Bacon

I remember the carefree and careless days of youth when I could eat and drink whatever I wanted and stay up until the early hours of the morning howling at the moon. Now the only thing I howl at is my alarm clock when it goes off the time I used to go to bed or when I eat too much bacon. Really? Bacon? Didn’t see that one coming. When you here old folks warble on about their ailments… “my _____hurts” Or “my ______is acting up again” You never hear them say “ I really shouldn’t of eaten that bacon.”
Well, maybe, but I can assure it wouldn’t be with the consistent occurrence that I get to experience when I decide that I am invincible against bacon’s ugly power. To which bacon replies, “oh yeah? Take this!!” and for added effect “bi-otch” Really bacon? Was that necessary?
Which is sad because it’s so tasty, but it is like eating tiny diamonds or miniature razor blades. There are a few exceptions: One, if it served wrapped around a cream cheese filled jalapeno I am in the clear. I know what you’re thinking. “I don’t know Sadie jalapeno’s seem like they might be trouble…” I know right? But surprisingly it’s a green light. I have no idea why.
Last Monday I ordered a sandwich from Quizno’s and the sneaky bastard had bacon hidden inside of it. I had to leave work early. Which all together was not a bad thing, but the pain associated with it was so excruciating that I cannot even describe it for fear that you might lose your lunch. Hopefully, it’s was bacon free.
So as I venture into my third decade I bid a fond farewell to my dear friend bacon. I will be forced to hang out with his less fun cousin turkey bacon. I try to convince myself that it’s a good thing because it’s healthier, but who am I kidding? We had some good times, bacon. I will miss you. ::tear::