Day 14

So it has been 2 weeks without a cigarette, and I am super stoked. Right now I am in a foul ass mood and my chest is burning and I have chewed a hole through my bottom lip,and I hate everyone, but I really am stoked.
My hair smells better, my mouth feels cleaner, and I keep thinking about the money that I am going to have, and how much healthier I am going to feel.
I have been looking at pictures and people lately and for some reason the first thing I see is what they are going to look like in the future. Like, against my will I immediately fast forward them 20 years. Will they age well? Will they be fat? Will they lose all their hair? Some it's easier than others. I just look at them and I can see that inner mature version of them begging to get out.
Sadly, it doesn't work when I look at myself. I guess because I have to look at myself everyday. I look at myself so much that I'm not sure what I really look like... If, that makes any sense at all. I will see pictures of me that capture an unflattering angle or a blinked eye, or a face I should of thought twice about and that's never the face that I see in the mirror.
In my own mirror, I have complementary lighting and I know what's my best side. I feel like a freaking super model coming out of my house. That is until I hit the flourescent bathroom at work and then, not so much.
The supermodel has turned into the blotchy faced, stringy haired mother I feel like. When the hell did that happen? When did I get old? (er)
So I guess that's the number one reason that I quit smoking, that and I of course don't want Jack to grow up thinking it's glamorous like I did.
I always knew smoking was bad, and sounded off to my parents that they should quit all the time. Secretly, I just accepted it as something that adults do and something that I would do when I grew up. So that persistent little kid that would break her parents cigarettes and hide them ( goody two shoes, I know!) has come out in me again and she is NOT pleased with what she sees. A prematurely aged woman that has chosen a path to bad health. So I have decided to clean it up and pack up the pack. To show that best face that I show myself to the rest of the world.
I read somewhere that you save roughly $1000 a year from not smoking so the only thing left to do is pick what I will use the money for. I think a tropical beach somewhere is calling my name :)