Opinions are like assholes....

So I have been in a custody battle with my ex for the last year and a half. I don't know if you would call it a battle with him per se, but with myself to make sure that Jack has the best possible care.

Jack's father lives in San Antonio and in the beginning after our split I felt really strongly that Jack was too young to go bath and forth for visits. So he has been with me and in so many words his father has an open invitation to visit. He hasn't really accepted that invitation. So in the eyes of a lot of people in my family he is a schmuck. Which, well, my opinions are my own....

Jack is getting older and before he gets too old, for several reasons, he needs to know and have a relationship with his father. So I have been dealing with Jack's dad and his dad's new girlfriend to work out a visitation agreement.

I have never messed with my ex's once they were my exes so this whole talking to and exes new girlfirend is new territory for me. For Jack I would walk through fire so, while awkward, I do it. She isn't that bad, actually, it could be a lot worse. In fact, it really kind of facilitates communication between Jack's dad and myself.

I am not going to run out and be this woman's BFF by anymeans, but if it means that I have a rational person on the other end of the phone to discuss Jack's well being in lieu of his father, so be it.

Anyway, that's not really what I wanted to write about. It's more about the decision NOT to fight his dad to the death over custody. It's been a long couple of years, and I can say that I have loved every minute I have had with my son. He is such a special and wonderful little person and he has such a mind of his own. He has come to a point where he is a little older and he can travel and he is aware of his surrounding. He's not my little baby anymore. While I am so very protective of him, I have to share him.

So we have been discussing a visitation schedule that is best for a two year old who's parents don't agree on anything and live five counties away from one another. Talk about a tall order....
It is by no stretch of the imagination one of the hardest things that I have had to deal with. I am tired, and mentally drained and I cry... A LOT. I have a great, awesome, support group.
Having such support also means that these people that you care about and that care about you have an opinion. And on an issue like this it's usually a strong one.

I focus every ounce of my energy in not making the wrong decision, so when someone doesn't agree with the course of action that I want to take it's really devastating. Not just because I want everyone to think like I think, but with such an emotional issue sometimes communications get broken down and people say things they don't mean. I am definitely guilty of this.

If I can describe it.... It's like for someone that works with coworkers on a team and you all have to have the same information and discuss the best course of action and eventually the right answer surfaces almost on it's own, but it's getting to that right answer that is kicking my ass. I hope it comes soon... It's feels close, but I still have a road ahead.